call it quit?

I’m tired. I’m trying to make a new thing but it’s getting more tiring than I ever imagined.

Should I quit? or keep going…

Life is still hard.

Off.

finish our meal

I think it’s fine even though we didn’t finish our meal.
but so many people who are in hunger out there

.We are so selfish.

And why I got this feeling that I won’t come to church tomorrow. Wether it’s about their laziness or my laziness. I don’t know.

And sometimes I found this person is really interesting and charming. But it’s just a temporary feeling, that keeps on coming and going.

Sucks

developing bad habit

I think I’m developing a bad habit in me. I don’t use my time as how it should be used, I tend to waste my time and live an imaginary life as a person I won’t be. It just takes a bit of my whole life at the first time, but now the intensity is increasing and it takes almost half of my day. No one can help I know…

I should stop it by myself or I’ll get burried inside my imaginary world and worse I could become insane. But this mind doesn’t help, it always flies to the imaginary side and stays there for hours. I think I should socialize more with people. But how?

Argh. I wish I could travel abroad and stay there for few weeks, then maybe my head will get clearer. I really wanna do something, wanna live a bit and get out of this daily routine. Even I should have fixed my sleeping habit. Really. This body can’t take one more lack of sleeping habit. I could be broken someday if I still continue on my bad sleeping habit.

Yes. I think I could be healed. I believe.

60 years? no. it’s even more.

I’m 20s, I have about 60 more years to live. What should I do in my rest 60 years? Will I just get stuck in this daily routine called “wake up-breakfast/lunch-computer-dinner-sleep” or what? Sixty years are a long time to go. I could do lots of big things if I want to… But how to start?

Sometimes time flies so fast, but sometimes it walks very slow. Worse thing is when I want it to be slow, it will fly. But when I want it to run fast, it will crawl very slowly. I can’t control it.

As my memory flies to my childhood, suddenly I’m already 20. I can’t play with my LEGO anymore though I really miss them. Now LEGO is expensive isn’t it? However, I’m just afraid that I will grow old without doing some worthy things. I know people at 20s in common plan to get a boyfried/girlfriend, date for one or two years (maybe longer), get married, have sex, have children, raise their children, grow old and die. But I don’t ask for a life like that. If I could make a request, I want my life to be powered with something special or something big.

If I will be given a soulmate, I want it to be in a special way. If I will be given a happy life, I want to share with people around me. If I will be given huge prosperity, I want to help as many as I can. So I don’t just live for my own little family.

I also want to be able to do something. Inventing, discovering or creating something that will be useful for everyone maybe? I don’t wanna end like a housewife who stays home all day or just do routines between home and school. I also don’t wanna end as a hardworking father with home-office routines.

Oh I’m sick with life. I wanna live a special life.
It has not always be a luxurious life or whatsoever, I just want it to be special. I’ll survive for it.

If you know what I mean.

dream

A dream. I had one unpleasant dream last night. It’s not scary but it’s unpleasant and used to happen in my real life. Weird. Here let me tell you:

In that dream, I was put in one condition that I don’t really like but I was forced to be in it. The occasion was a retreat program. I didn’t really want to join it, but I don’t know what happened, suddenly I was in it. And few minutes before they will head to the retreat house, I plan an escape from that community. But I can’t because the tutor or the chief was extremely fierce. He receives no excuse from us to leave the retreat program.

But I didn’t see the end of this unpleasant dream because I was waken up.

I just think that kind of occasion like in my dream is used to happen in my real life. I don’t feel to join, but because of some forced reasons I get to join an activity or a club but it ends with my displeasure and laziness because my heart is not in there. And I can’t escape from it though I really want to.

and it happens now. If I could quit, I’ll quit. But there are still some reasons that makes me have to stay.

Be stronger.
That’s all I need.

Xya.

before i’m off to bed or else

Sometimes I don’t get it, but some people I know seem to have deep thought or complicated things in their mind. Which is I can never understand. It’s not because I’m stupid or idiot so I couldn’t understand them. It’s just their complexity is beyond belief. I read their writings, I learn a bit from them but then I get tired even sick about them.

Weird. Am I too simple? Or getting idiot?

I don’t know.

Anyway I had my hair cut today and it’s totally refreshing though I felt a bit tortured while sitting in the beauty salon with nothing to do. But thanks to the existence of wifi connection and my wifi supported cellphonie, they cheer my day a bit and fade my boredom away. Definitely.

I’m a helpless geek.

Well I need a tight sleep then. I get exhausted easily nowadays. Due to my lack of sleeping habit and et cetera I guess. But a kiss from a dream guy like 이지훈 might help *midnight dreaming*

Nighty night.

midnight

I don’t like to sleep if my hair is still wet.

Because when I woke up, I will look like a nut bag (with that messy hair)

Knock it off. It’s 3:35 AM.

dinner talk

When she said that she wanted to take badminton as her activity club at school, I bluntly said, “You have no talent for sports.“. It’s a bit rude and can break her spirit but it’s reality, she should know it. However, her parents especially her dad couldn’t accept it and I got scolded a bit for breaking his daughter’s spirit.

But seriously, she’s hopeless about sports. She can’t even catch a ball. From her moves, I knew that this is a typical of girl who can’t do sports. If you let them doing sports, it would be terrible.  I saw it from my school time among my friends. It’s non-theoritical but hundred percent proven. So why insist?

Parents should know their child first before pushing them to the wrong path.